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Top 10 Cycling Fashion Disasters

Top 10 Cycling Fashion Disasters


– [Man 1] GCN’s top 10 cycling
fashion disasters. In at number 10, Ryder Hesjedal’s sunglasses. Now the 2013
Tour de France wasn’t perhaps the most exciting from a racing perspective, which
could be why the gaze of many spectators averted to what Ryder Hesjedal was
spotting around his face. Now the sunglasses in question divided opinion
around the Twittersphere and although they gained some admirers, they were
wildly labeled as a bit tacky. Now, we’re inclined to agree, cheaply
because they remind us of a cheap pay you by the beach or from a garage
service station, and they didn’t do much for Ryder’s tour either. He
wound up about 70th in the GC. A new entry at number nine, it’s the polka
dot shorts. Now, whilst the prestigious king of the mountain’s jersey at the Tour
de France deserves to be honored and worn with pride, the marching bib shorts that
some riders insist on wearing as an accompaniment is something we can really
do without. Do you really think Pierre Roland breaks these abominations out
when he goes out on a training ride? At number eight we have a reentry
and it’s Vladimir Karpet’s mullet. Former Tour de France white jersey, winner
Vladimir Karpets was born in the ’80s but sadly he seems to have permanently
left his hair in that era too. His mullet can be seen from kilometers
away, often seen flowing on particularly windy stages across the plains. We’re just
grateful he works in a profession where helmets are mandatory. And a
non-mover at number seven, it’s Jan Ullrich’s mop. The question is,
what was that hairdo all about? Was he a fan of ’60s mod band The Faces
but couldn’t quite get it right because his mom cut it? Or were the
unstructured tassels just grown to cover his often rounded, chubby head during
his famous pie period? Only de keiser himself really knows. And a
reentry at number six, it’s Carerra’s denim shorts. Nothing really said it’s the
early ’90s quite like the Italian pro outfit Carerra’s denim look with
bleached strut effect shorts did. These monstrosities would have looked
outlandish if they had been worn by Prince on his 1990 world tour. Now the Italian
jeans come here reputedly asked the dimunitive musician to wear a
long-legged version of the outfit for his Batman video but after being flatly turned
down, they instead got Claudia Ciapocha to model up the Alps in the Tour
de France, as to be said with unexpected success. Moving
down two at number five it’s the Kelme kit. This really was a fashion
faux pas if ever there was one. The Spanish’s shoe manufacturer, Gere’s 24
years in the peleton, left many fans with permanent eye damage with the green, blue,
and white vertical stripes making them look a bit like a non-league football
club with a kit designed by an eight-year-old. It was made worse, if that
was feasible, by the instance of star Colombian climber, Fabio Parra, to ride
with the peak up, cap style. Just to finish the ensemble with a stylish
flourish. Holding steady at number four, it’s David Zabriskie’s beard circa 2008.
Beards have never really been a success in the peleton. And David Zabriskie spent
part of 2008 looking as though he had received a blow to the head in the
forest of Colorado and awoke in a cave, being nursed by bears. Although
it’s a suit nod to the American civil war, drew some admiring glances amongst
tash aficionados. And up five to number three, it’s Peter Sagan’s beard. Peter
Sagan’s beard began life making its owner look like he worked on the European
caravan site. It was then dyed green to celebrate Sagan Sprint jersey win in the
Tour de France, which made its owner look like a caravan site worker with a rare
fungal problem, albeit one that could do wheelies. And down one
at number two, it’s Laurent Fignon and that pony tail. If anybody
could carry off the receding hairline pony tail, it was Laurent
Fignon, but even he struggled. The only thing more late 1980s than the
pony tail was the fact that if you untied it, the professor was the proud
owner of a receding hairline mullet. Double hair bonus, level up.
And straight in at number one, it’s Chris Horner’s hair versus Chris Horner’s
beard. Still, we should be grateful. Chris Horner’s hair may be straddling that
fine line between looking like Gollum and a cabbage patch doll but anything is
better than his crusty new metal beard from earlier on in his career, a beard
that found him bridge betwixt that member of Korn and an Egyptian pharaoh.
So, do you think we’ve missed any fashion disasters out? Please leave your comments
and disasters in the boxes below. – [Man 2] Wear ink and lime green kit. We
might even give Coaster if he uses white shorts next year. Jan Bakelants
picked up his first professional win

98 thoughts on “Top 10 Cycling Fashion Disasters

  1. An urban cyclist? Isn't that an oxymoron, Mr. Clock.

    To my knowledge, most cyclists are semi-kitsch shy guys from rural areas.
    Although I love the sport, most to them seem scrupulously average. So boring, polite and middle class that you sometimes wish there was a Mike Tyson in the sport.

  2. How could you not include Marco Pantani? His entire career was a fashion disaster. The Mapei fingerpaint kit? The matching bikes? The bandana? He was the only KOM whose kit looked better with the polka-dot jersey.

  3. Full kit w*nker wanna-be pros, it's fine if you're part of a local cycling team to wear full kit (the teams kit) , but you're not wiggins team mate are you

  4. "Number one in cycling disasters according to GCN: individuality!"

    Seems to be a bit too critical of a video. It definitely encourages every road rider to be the same instead of self expression and being care-free.

  5. The 1990s Mapei team kit was A LOT more ugly than the Kelme kit. Also you forgot AG2R's Jerseys and shorts, baby blue and brown (sic!)  – come on!
    (by the way it's "its fair share", not "it's fair share").

  6. U have to admit cycling was better to watch when they were all doping,lots of mad attacks,nowadays they potter along like a bunch of postmen on there bikes!

  7. If you want to see the absolute worst cycling jersey and shorts ever produced, just look up the Jelly Belly Pro Cycling Team.  They advertised their new Sports Beans products at least once per stage during this year's Tour De France, and their otherwise competent riders looked absolutely ridiculous in the process.

  8. I remember back in high school I thought team Kelme had by far the coolest shirts. I even used one myself when cycling with my dad haha, including a Kelme cap under my helmet :')

  9. I personally think anyone who wears rapha kit must have more money than sense. Fancy blowing �200.00 + on a jacket then coming off and ripping a hole in it. Just seems a bit like style over substance but each to their own I suppose. Bet the majority of rapha wearers are flying around primrose hill on their carbon pinarellos as I write this. Mugs.

  10. As you can clearly see I rather like the KELME kit. I know its one of those love it or hate it things. I got the bike first and then got the kit to match. I know I'm not alone as I've seen Kelme race stuff sell for good money on ebay.

  11. I feel like it's all about rocking it. If you can rock it, you can wear it. If you're a pro cyclist, and you're a chill decent guy, I'll think anything looks great on you. So yeah, the polka dot bib shorts, Ulrich's mop, Zabriskis's beard, they fuckin' rocked it!

  12. Well, there is the Columbian Women's Team 2014 kit worn during the Tour of Tuscany ( http://guardianlv.com/2014/10/columbia-womens-cycling-team-uniforms-a-controversy/#Yd2Zi1t0l0JzDJOH.99 ) I'm not complaining, but apparently many people were a bit put-off by the implied exposure.

  13. I don't like how there's an unwritten code for cyclists. They all wear the same colors and patterns. They all wear the same stuff. It's boring. I'll wear what I want anytime, I don't deserve critizism for that. Even if this is a parody of some sort. It's totally not funny.

  14. "His mullet can be seen from kilometres away" bahaha; "his often rounded, chubby head"…the Kelme kit bottoms were hot to show off those nice bulges mmm at 2:42. 

  15. What about these? http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/cycling/2014/09/16/nude-cycling-uniforms/15707777/

  16. I think you are pretty sad. Is that all you have to do is talking smack about people. That just shows how sorry you are putting others down to try to make yourself look good. Tragic FAIL.

  17. How the f**k did you miss out Mario Cipollini in this video! He had the craziest kit of all time! And not just one time, 5 or 6 times!

  18. Wow, such a sad video. Was just Ok at first, then just became obsessed with mustaches and beards. I guess if you grow a beard and don't win a race then you're a failure? Just a guess, but did the author of this post possibly have a baby face?

  19. Sigh. Somewhere I'll find serious advice on how to dress for the commute, if only YT would stop steering me toward this sort of thing.

  20. I really don't know how Cipollini's Saeco "muscle" skinsuit missed the top 10
    http://images.cyclingtips.com/content/uploads/2016/02/Header-C-Mario.jpg

  21. Not a single mention entry from Mario Cipollini? His muscle suit may be the number one fashion disaster by a large margin.

    Edit: The muscle suit was second on the fashion faux pas list to the Columbian Women's cycling kit…..you know the one!

  22. Neil Donoghues LYCRA jersey. I hope the reason for banning it was of eye health nature. I wish our eyes would never have been damaged by looking at lycra. (I'm talking about mountainbiking here).

  23. I'm still waiting for someone to make light tan colored bib shorts! 90% of my rides would have to be out of the saddle and in heavy traffic! I'd wear them all the time! What better way to feel like you're not wearing anything, than to look like it too!

  24. No road racer in the history of racing has ever looked good ever skin tight clothing and shaved legs look shit on men

  25. Honestly guys Rapha much? Gee. Besides. #9 all these guys were cool and had style. GCN would know this if they didn’t spend their afternoons drinking breakfast coffees (lattes/cappuccino) and debating etap va di2 while dress edI your black wooly apres cycljng kit and saying chapeau whenever anyone did anything good … and cycling caps should be bill up! (All in jest guys – nice vid)

  26. wow these were terrible burns and watching this was a terrible decision..
    and this is coming from someone that bought a GCN kit.
    do you get it?

  27. I'm hoping this video was produced as a joke? If not, GCN are a shallow bunch of wankers. Disliked.

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