Hello everybody my name is Markiplier! and welcome back to the try not to laugh challenge. Now I know it’s been a while since the last one, and I meant to get to it sooner, but that dang old PUNISHMENT hasn’t come yet and I was gonna do that before I got to the next one But we got so sidetracked by other projects I thought that I’d just TRY not to laugh again before I get my ass handed to me by my so-called “friends”. But FIRST, we got more internet videos to with to laugh at or maybe not laugh, hopefully not laugh. And I’m not gonna make any promises about this one, but I’m gonna try my damndest to…think of… Death. That’s what I’ll do. Here we go. Woman: Can you grab me a beer? (This one involves music) Man: No…do you want multip- (And it can’t be explain well with subtitles, sorry…) voice: Drop it. *CRASH* Man: Monkey! *crack* *BOOM* Advert man: HEUH HUH HUH HUH HEH Randy Savage: SSS SSS SSS SSS *CLONG* *ting* *thump* *crunch* *tapitytaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptap* *beep* *honk* *WHOOP* *boop* *Desk dance* Kid: EUGH EUGH *WHAM* Angry guitar man: FUCK! Scared tuba man: AHHHH! Chubbyface: AGH! News anchor: Ooogh! *barkborfbooheckbork* Mmm, yeah! (sudden “snek”) Parakeet: *squawk* ! Markiplier: It just keeps goin’… Man: Ghost Ball! (pro shot) Crowd: OHHH! *bebebebebebebebeep* Mark: I think it was like a-uh-bluh-it was like a compilation of all the other funny videos that I’ve seen over the years…. SHIT dude. Alright, okay. Well, starting off STRONG this time, but I didn’t laugh. *An incredibly annoying girl screams “Jeb” repeatedly at the top of her lungs* Jeb: Who said that? Who said that? Was that you? *Punch* *Mark exhales violently.* *Is stifiling laughter and snorting* *Mark’s desk smack for air* NOT funny. NOT. NOT FUNNY! I’m not laughing. YOU LAUGHING? No. *TINK* FUCK!!! *Mark trying and failing to not laugh* AHHHH!!! Mmmmmmurm!!! Mur Mur Fur Mur Murmurfurmur… Man? #1: So YOU’RE the one who stained them! #2: Whoever found it, browned it. 1: You’d like me to be you, wouldn’t me? but it’s to late. you snoze, you loze. 2: You sleeped, you weeped 1: You nap-uh, you get slap-uh! 2: Well you slumber, a cucumber!!! 1: You catch up on some zeds, you get outta my heads! 2: You slumber, ham… BURGER I don’t wanna talk about nothin’ else. 1: You’re about as deep as a bowl of soup, and your tongue, is about as sharp as a soup spoon! 2: Hey, say what you want about me, but lay off the soup. 2: You only got one peni? 2 *overly sexual*: let me SEE it. 1: See with your EYES, not with your MOUTH. 2: I’ll call your bluff! I’ll see your penis with your mouth And I raise you… with my hand. 1: Ante. up. 2: G’oh. Damn it! 1: What’s wrong? 2: I crapped out, but I’m tough. I can suck it up. *Disturbing gulp/suck/ugh noise* 1: Okay! count of three, we show what’s under the loincloth! wiener. take. all. *echo* take all, take all… ONE. TWO. THREE *Sparkling sounds* I don’t know what the fuck just hap AAAAAAAAAAAND!!! …What WAS that? WhatwasANYofthaaaaahh!?!? What HAPPEN? I didn’t laugh, but God damn I wanted to. *OOAGH*…Okay alright. Well. Professor Jordan B Peterson: Cocaine. Take cocaine all the time. You should be nose deep in that stuff, non-stop. Right? But you’re not. WHY?? What’s wrong with you people? You’re READY man. Dominance Harchy. *Air Horns* *Slow* Doominaaance Harch. There’s hundreds of the bloody things! THEN you might ask yourself… THAT’S the question. Are you out of your bloody mind?! Are you out of your bloody mind?! I don’t think any sane person can NOT be crazy. You know, I mean EVERYBODY’S flawed and useless. That doesn’t mean they’re “right”. That’s not exactly the point. Good luck with— UHH… ALRIGHT, then! Streamer: DUDE!!! She’s singing our song bro. What’s our (pronounced *HAR*) name? *horrible wheezing laughter* AND MY NAME IS JOHN CEEEENAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Streamer: god damn it! *A horribly loud version of the John Cena theme plays with absolutely abysmal audio quality.* Mark: Mmm, nope! Not funny. Not funny. *baby noises* *guy laughing* *kid making unintelligible noises* *Guy laughing* Woman: Give me that back now. Give it now. *dad’s helpless laughter* Woman: Nate, stop laughing you bloody idiot. It’s not funny. *Kid and man laughing* Woman: It’s not funny. Guy: I can’t help it… Kid hadda dildo. Mhm. *Nvidia* (whispering): Nvidia… *Spluttery fart* Mark: YOU WILL NOT BREAK MEEEE, POOP BUTT!!! I will not be broken into laughter by a pooping butt. High pitched Kid: Greatest nation As some say. One that to this day, still grows and matures. THIS, our home. THIS, our country that we love. Which we all celebrate, July the fourth.
*Mark tries to stifle laughter but some air queezes out in a fart-like sound* Mark: Did I just fart with my mouth?
Vid: The men who made us. Completely free. Of… British tyranny. (That’s the sign for “British tyranny”…?) Which reigned South… and North. Free from this, we joined together in bliss to honor all— *Mark struggling to not laugh* *He seems to be choking on eternal torment* (DOCTOR??) *cough.* *coughs again* I’m fine. *Slightly high voice* Don’t do it! No! That not good! Shto-! No! NO! No don’t do it! No! No! Nooo! No! Ouch! I’m a virgin! AH! *Stifles laughter* *Fails* *Snickering* *Snickers* *Snickers once more* *And again…* *Mark*: Nope. Nat- no nat fun-. *Highpitched voice* No NAT funny. Not funny. Don’t let— *motorcycle revving* Mark: I’m gonna guess… *JK! It was a trombone, bitch!* *Silent Giggle* *Dies of laughter* *Laughing louder* Mark *through laughter*: I thought… I thought that they were gonna get hit by a bu-uh-us *continues laughing* *video replays, this time overcast by Mark’s more cackly laughter* *Laughs* *Trying to stop to catch his breath* Mark: *HO!* I’m sorry, okay, all right. *HWUH.* Well I broke… I’ll go a few more! I broke, but you know I’ll go— I always go a few more. It’s always good when I’m in the GIGGLY mood huh? *Hitlerfish*: NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEI— *Burst* *Quiet giggle* *Chuckling* Woman *whispering uncomfortably close to the mic*: Hey! *Mark*: Don’t do that. *woman*: It’s *Mark*: NOT funny. Even in a GIGGLY mood. *End part of the beginning of Richard
Strauss’s “Also Sprach Zarathustra”* *vacuum sounds* *Harmonica plays as vacuum tries to suction it matching the climax of the music* *Mark laughs* *harmonica fades* *Mark laughs* *revs up internal engine* FU-NNY. Funny, funny, funny. *dude*: This is the Ni— Wild Nick in it’s natural habitat. Nick: ALEX!!! AALEX!!!! YOU JUST DROPPED IT IN THE FUCK— *breaks* Maybe you shouldn’t have a vape! *Sweet musical version of “Crawling in my Skin” by Linkin Park* *screaming in electroacoustic.* UAAAAAH *sweet music continues to play* Moth: CRAWL— *sweet music* *vocals kick in*: CRAWLING IN MY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAWL THESE CRAWLS, THEY WIILL NOT CRAAAWL *Laughing* CRAAAWL IS HOW I CRAAWL. CRAAWLING— AAHHH. *Giggling* Mark: I think that’s a good enough one to end on. Thaaat’s good. Okay. So I didn’t win. OBVIOUSLY. But then again I wasn’t gonna. So. What can I really say about being the person I am? I’m a giggly bitch. So we all new that! But thank you again everybody for joining me on another adventure into trying not to laugh. It FAILED! And I’m a loser. And I WILL… Take that punishment that is coming for me, eh, sometime soon. Don’t know when, but it’ll happen. So THANK you everybody so much for watching let me know what you thought of these down in the comments below. If you wanna see more funny stuff in the future let me know as well. Thanks again! And as always, I will see YOU… In the NEXT video. BUH-Bye!